I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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