I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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