hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
