I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
are you so shy because you have an std?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
