This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
