i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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