Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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