Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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