take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
