I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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