whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
