We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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