did you get engaged???
Duck Duck Cougar?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
