How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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