yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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