spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
