eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
