Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
