dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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