1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
