Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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