you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
