Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
