i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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