Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize