So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
