I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
