Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
