Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
