Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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