in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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