he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
