Midget sex pt 2 tonight
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
