Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
