i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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