My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
