I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize