i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
