she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
