i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
