So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
