toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
