I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
