This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Boobs speak an international language.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize