i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
