drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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