I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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