I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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