i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
