i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
