someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
