google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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