I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
