i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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