The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You're earring is so big in my mouth
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
