We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Can you bring me the toilet please
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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