She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
