A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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