My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
