I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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