There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize