A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
