I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize