i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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