And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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