Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
