I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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