batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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