I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
