We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
