i think my mom watched the whole time
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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