i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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