I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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