I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
