like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Everclear isn't food dammit
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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