Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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