I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Randomize
