My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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