did you get engaged???
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
