everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Randomize
