I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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