you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
