I need to stop coming to work sober
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
