I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
