Soap is not a condiment
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
