your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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