Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize