Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
