That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
