real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
