Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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