so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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