I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
