Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
