if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
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