How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize