I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
