Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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