I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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