I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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