no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
soo... how was my night?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
