just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
