im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Another day, another engagement, another cat
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
