i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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