fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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