Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
