Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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