foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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