You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
