Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
