Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I party with great urgency now.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
