So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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